This post is for people who have kids who are a little older (around the ages of 8-12) and afraid of getting out there and moving. This sadly happened to us. We were so busy building our business that we didn't do a lot with our kids. They would have friends over, or go to friends houses, but they didn't show a lot of interest in team sports and we didn't push it.
My daughter found her own way and got into mountain bike riding with my husband in a minor way and now likes to play basketball, but I was horrified when I found myself with an 11 year old son who was afraid of riding his bike and no-one to blame but myself. All he wanted to do was sit on his play station, or XBox, or iPad etc etc. He didn't want to talk to anyone and if he wasn't allowed to be on screens he'd just go to bed and stare at the wall. This is not normal childhood behaviour! This is not a good thing. On top of this he was as moody as hell, becoming anti-social at school and we had several other issues.
This article freaked me out a bit and I saw the wisdom in it particularly this section:
Have you ever heard of a school shooter who’s hobbies are kayaking, rock
climbing, and fly-fishing? If that seems absurd – and it does seem
absurd to me – we might be onto something. I don’t think that those
hobbies can create a school shooter. There’s just something abut the
natural world that defuses anger.
A few months later my son is loving getting out on the bike, or going kayaking, and wanting to learn tennis and join soccer next year. Awesome!
If you're looking for advice on how to get your mini couch potato out and about, here's a list of things we did and that you can do too...
(Most of the personal examples I give here are about cycling as that's what I do most with my son. We also go kayaking but it's mostly cycling. You can tailor what you do with your kiddies to your own style.
1. Introduce exercise slowly. We made the mistake of taking our son on what we thought was an easy ride. And it was easy for
us simply because it was flat and there were no people around. We had overestimated our son's comfort levels on the bike though and returned to our car, with our bikes a very non-harmonious and upset group. When I spoke to my son about it he said that he was terrified of riding on a non sealed surface and that the mozzies biting him (we were alongside a body of water and the mosquitoes must have taken psychopathic pills that day because they were
nasty). Also, we were out for a long time and he had trouble keeping up with us even though we thought we were going slow, and he could tell we were upset. We were upset, but with ourselves, not with our son who was doing his best. Once I explained that to him, and explained that we were learning too he was better. :)
So I spoke to
Mr JDF and we decided that the next ride would be no longer than 10 minutes, on a sealed surface with no one else around if possible and the focus to be totally on his enjoyment of the ride. We did that. The first ride was just 25 minutes long but my son arrived home happy and talked about it for weeks. The best part for him was that there was puddles and after cautiously checking they weren't overly deep he happily rode over them for ages.
Gradually we've built up the time frame so that our rides are in excess of an hour and he's enjoying the challenge of hills and distance now. It took a few months but we got there.
2. Be honest. Some of us are afraid to tell our kids why we're doing things. I'm not really sure why this is but I do get the best results out of my kids when I tell them exactly what is going on in my head and things are good for them.
In this instance I pulled my son aside and told him I was worried that he wouldn't have any fun as a teenager when all of his friends were riding around and enjoying their freedom and he wouldn't be able to join in even if he wanted to. I shared that I was worried about how unhappy he was and that it was too early to be hormones and that our bodies like to move. That movement brings about a happiness that cannot be found sitting in front of a screen. I articulated quite a few worries that I had and he agreed with a few of them. He agreed to get out and about with us quite readily after we talked at length about the benefits of exercise and the lack of benefits in a sedentary lifestyle.
I also pointed out that if he didn't start to get out of the house, then to restore the natural balance of life I'd be forced to sell the PS2, the XBox and the iPad and he'd be forced to think of other things to do then. I did this last bit in a humourous way so he could laugh at it, but he knew I would do that if things didn't improve. The idea is not to instill fear, but to bring about feelings of anticipation.
3. Get out there with them. If your child is sitting around the house getting fat and lazy, then you as a parent are responsible. This is your issue too. This is not a blame game, but it's about taking responsibility. I had to do it, and it was not a great realisation that I was failing my son this way but it was true.
The added bonus of getting out there with your child is that you too will feel the benefits of exercise. I noticed that many of my childhood skinny friends blimped out when they/we got jobs, could afford junk food and got licences. Get fit with your kid! As they see your health and fitness improve, it will inspire them too.
4. Remember, this exercise session is about them, not your good self. When you're going out with your kids during this time, remember that you're going out for their enjoyment, not your own. It can be frustrating when you get on your bike, or head out the door for a run, to find that you are only going out for half an hour. Or less! Or to have to go slow when you want to go fast...
However you want your child to be smiling when they get home. That should be one of your goals for the end of the exercise. If they arrive home unhappy and are uninjured, then you have done something wrong. You need to suck that up cupcake, realise we all make mistakes and work on how you can make your next time out more fun.
5. Keep it simple. Remember, they're kids. They should be having fun, not worrying about heart rate monitors, times etc etc. If you have a child that loves to exercise and is doing competition that's different and not what I'm yabbering about here. As I said, this is for kids who are afraid of getting out and about. If you want to measure and keep track of your fitness, do that on your own time, when it's about you. Simplify, simplify.
6. That being said, it is good to push them a little bit. When my son says "I need to have a rest" and starts to slow his bike, or kayak to shore, I always encourage him to do just a bit more. I'll suggest we 'ride to the next set of lights/shopping centre/intersection and then we'll stop for a bit ok?'. Usually they can go a bit further than they think they can, and if you can gently push them just that bit further, without being an ass about it, you'll help them realise this. You don't need to stop too long. My son and I have a rule that he helped me set that we don't stop for more than 5 minutes because we 'don't want our muscles to cool down'. LOL. Whatever works!
But a sedentary kid will want to rest often and that's their comfort zone. Sitting and playing games, or whatever... it's safe. It's often scary for them to be moving. So have rests if need be, but try to keep them short so you don't get annoyed and impatient and also so they realise that a short rest is all that's needed and it will surprise them.
7. Give encouragement. If possible, keep your language positive at all times when riding. You might not be used to doing this, it may feel like unnatural hippy shit, but it really works with kids. I congratulate my son on everything from standing up on the pedals to go uphill, to trying a harder gear, to laughing while riding and more. Every little bit of praise will help to instill a positive feeling about the activity at hand.
If they stack their bike and get up with blood on their knees and hands, check to make sure the injuries are superficial, dry tears if need be and then "dude! You kept all the skin on your face. You must be some kinda falling down super hero!". It's corny but they'll get a giggle out of it. Or at least they'll be thinking about what an idiot you are and not so focused on the slight injuries.
If they have bones poking out, disregard this and call an ambulance.
8. Give them some choices. Allowing kids to make their own choices gives them a sense of power and confidence. And as a parent, you get to enjoy that process! When they make wrong choices it gives valuable life experience and making right choices increases confidence. For example, I'll say to my son, today I have to go to the shops, to visit a friend and also to work. I'm going to ride to one and I'd like you to come with me. Which one do you want to ride to? If he doesn't pick the shortest one, he gets rewarded with a big smile and I make a HUGE deal out of his positive choice at the family dinner. This also encourages his sister to make great choices. ;)
You can also give them the opportunity to say no to exercise from time to time. For example, I often say to my son "I'm going to ride to the XXX, would you like to come?". A lot of the time he says no, but he won't say no all of the time because he feels mean so he comes along every now and then which is his own choice, he enjoys it and we have a ball! Giving your kids the choice gives them a sense of their own power and helps build confidence.
9. Gear matters. I remember being about 11 and getting a feck bollocky Stack Hat for my birthday. Ohmygoshcanyabelieveit? (That moment when you get to school that day and your friends are all "So what did your parents get you for your birthday". So I said a puppy so they'd be jealous, and then a week later told them it died and got sympathy. From an 11 year old's point of view that was a grand old WIN! But I digress...) Point is, I didn't ride my bike again until I was 16 and moved in with a family who said I could ride without on. That was before helmets became something that everyone wore.
When I talked to my son about riding, he said he didn't like his bike. So I spoke to hubby, and we said we'd get him a new bike of his choice. I reasoned that I'd rather spend a shit tonne of money and get him the gear at his age and him enjoy using it than spend that money on therapy later one. So we took him to the bike store, got him a $500 bike and also spent some extra $$$ getting some custom handles put on it and stuff. He LOVES it. Absolutely loves it. His sister took him out a lot in the first few weeks and gave him lots of tips too until she hit some kind of invisible teen level, got popular and we don't see her anymore! Her taking him out really helped a lot because she is cool and he wants to be cool. So involve siblings if that is an option.
Our daughter recently told me she is embarrassed about her helmet which was so cool when she was 8 but now that she's 13... not so much. So next weekend I'm taking both of the kids to the sports store to get them helmets. They're both thrilled and really looking forward to getting helmets.
So if you can afford it, just do it. Get your kid the running shoes, soccer gear, rock climbing stuff, that they will be proud to be seen in! And if 'can't afford it' but you can afford your ciggies, gambling, wine, coffee or tattoo addictions, then prioritise and give one of them up for a bit. You can always start again when your kids are independent. I couldn't believe it recently when someone told me they couldn't afford to get their daughter a bike but went and spent $1,200 on a tattoo a couple of weeks later on her credit card. My poor flabber was gasted. I have venomous feelings about that so will just shut it for now but really??? Where is that kid on her mum's priority scale? Shut
UP Jen...
10. Reward your kid/s with things they love. Not what you love, what they love. My daughter lives close enough to her school to ride but has been insistent on taking the bus which is $20 per fortnight. When I investigated why she was so against riding to school it turned out she was worried about helmet hair and her heavy bag. I remember being 13. Appearance means a lot at that age. So I bought her a 'really cool' travel size hair straightener that she can use at school and also offered to give her half of the money we'll be saving in bus fees. Sold! Guess who now rides the 6km's to school and back four days a week now? Bonus!
Unfortunately my son couldn't give a toss about his hair. Just getting him to brush it is miracle enough, so he gets rewarded with this specific brand of mints which he loves. Frankly I'd rather have a bubble bath with Tony Abott than give my son those things but it's important that he go out and move and so I've compromised. They don't cost a lot, and he takes them to school and shares them with his friends so he's not eating them all.
My son is also allowed on his precious PS2 or Xbox (whatever!), after a ride. He must put away his bike, have a drink and a snack and then he can go on there. The longer the ride, the more screen time. Balance....
So that's basically it, baby steps, reward much, get the right gear, encourage, listen, make it fun.
Soon you should have a kid that enjoys getting out and about.
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Thank you for reading!
