Big Change In My Life...

It's been a whole month since my last post. This doesn't please me, but it had to be done. Where have I been? I've been on a journey. Once again I started to slide into depression. This surprised me. I'd been feeling pretty great, there was no reason for my sudden reappearance of anxiety and sadness at the world. It just appeared, as it does, out of nowhere.

So instead of actively trying to get over it, or just letting it wash over me, I tried to go about my day to day stuff and watch it and you know, a lot of it is major overwhelm. I adore my kids but feel like I hardly know them. We all get home from school and work and I am so exhausted that sometimes, not all the time, but often, during the week their little voices are like nails on a blackboard. I cringe because they are speaking to me, and I cringe again because I have put them last.

When I took over my business back in 2007 I didn't realise it would become all consuming. But it did. Don't get me wrong, I love my business! It's a wonderful thing... it gives me purpose, keeps me focused, supports me and in turn I support it. I've met some of the most amazing people on the planet through my business. But something has to give.

So I've spent the last month really sitting down, watching the overwhelm, the panic, the anxiety, the guilt, the sadness, the wanting to run, and decided something has to give. But what? I couldn't' see the forest for the trees. But then I said to my son "you know, if you keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome, some people call that crazy!" and I realised this was me.

Then I saw an inspirational exercise post on FB saying "Do something today that your body will thank you for tomorrow. Then another that said "In a years time you'll be thankful that you started today" and you know, I started running back in 2007. I still can't run 5k. Why? Because I put it last. Here's a list of some of the things that I put in line behind my business:

1. Family (they have to love me anyway right?)
2. Proper food (ironic considering the business I'm in, but yes, often I don't eat enough)
3. Sleep
4. Friends
5. Time with my husband
6. Running
7. Yoga
8. Juicing (I'm the bomb diggity on juice)
9. Relaxation/meditation
10. Happiness

That took me less than a minute to compile.

So... change is afoot! Next year I'll be working from home four days per week. I'm naturally waking at around 6am at the moment which gives me time to answer emails before I get the kids ready for school. I can then work from home during school hours doing the newsletters, YouTube videos - which I love doing - and be there for my children when they get home.

One day per week I'll go into the office and do the book work. That is all I should need.

If that doesn't work... then I'll have to rethink. But at the moment I'm excited again. My daughter just turned 14 and it was a shock to realise that I've hardly seen her for the last 6 or 7 years and it hasn't been because she's pushed me away. I've put her and her brother last. I looked at my son, really looked at him and was shocked again! When did he grow so big?

I'm very excited about the future for the first time in a long time. I feel involved and significant. Wonderful!

I spoke to Mr JDF this morning and he said "OK". he's very effusive you see.

Business wise I am scared. It's been a big part of my life for a long long time. It still will be but at a reduced capacity. How will it go without my 24/7 input? We shall see!