Why I don't go to gyms

I sucked ass at sports at school. I was always the last chosen for any team, I was the slowest runner, couldn't catch to save myself and missed every ball ever bowled at me for any sport, I tripped over when I was running, and hit people when I threw things. The sporty kids made my life hell on a regular basis both in sports class and everywhere else. As an adult, I know that at least one of these kids was undergoing a similar sort of abuse from his father who had visions of him being an olympic athlete, so I guess his behaviour was normal for him. The others just followed him because he was the best at everything. And the rest was just because kids are mean because they don't know how to be nice yet.

As an adult in my 20's after exiting a relationship with a junkie that was abusive on many levels, I gave up smoking and started to gain weight at an alarming rate. So off I went to pump iron, to aerobics, suffer circuit training etc. I was appointed a personal trainer who was also called Jennie so I felt a kind of kinship with her straight awa which was quickly smashed to smithereens as she openly giggled at me (definitely not with me) after putting me through my fitness test. She then swept me through my first workout explaining all of the machines, how I was to use them and showed me where my chart was kept.

For the first couple of visits after that, I couldn't remember what some of the exercises were called, so I'd ask gym members as there was hardly any staff around and those that were there were flat stick. Some of the peopel I asked were really nice and helped me out. I'd wait until someone was between a set to ask, but most of them were just big assholes. One guy said "If you don't F*^$ing well know, then you f%*&ing well shouldn't be here. The gym's not a pick up joint you know, some of us are actually here to work out". Humiliated I slunk off to the loo. I quickly changed and waited outside in my car hoping to see him leave. He had a distinctive car and from that point on, if I turned up and his car was there, I left.

I persevered and my trainer was grudgingly impressed with my progress as was I. I was doing well and some of the women in the gym had actually started to talk to me which was nice! But by this stage I'd gotten used to "gym is just like school sports" and just wanted to get in and get out, to get my workout done. I wasn't enjoying the workout experience because I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb and shouldn't be there because I didn't know enough about it all. I was so worried about gym bullies I'd be almost physically ill walking through the front door. So... one day, I walked out of work, through my entire gym bag in the bin and bought myself a packet of cigarettes. And that was the end of that.

I don't feel sorry for myself about it now. It's all past and I've learned a lot. These days that guy could say that to me and I'd go slash his tyres while he was benchpressing brush it off and ask someone else. I'd have gone back when he was there and in time he'd have learned I was serious and may have apologised. He may have just found his wife in bed with his best friend before getting to the gym which was why he took it out on the first victim nice person he saw... or he might have just been a prick on steroids.

 It was all a long time ago and I could have done a gazillion things to make the experience different for myself, I know that now. I had absolutely no confidence and the idea that someone might be nasty about me and be wrong about it was completely foreign. I just felt that they could see the real me that I managed to hide from everyone else. Not that I thought the gym was a pick up joint... he was wrong about that...

Gym's just do not appeal to me now except on one level. I get a little pang every now and then when I hear about my friends going to the gym. They really enjoy it a lot of the time, and a lot of them make new friends there with similar interests and targets.  It's the gym community that I think I'd like to be a part of. Maybe. One day.

So perhaps one day I will give it a go. But I'd rather try it out when I'm a little more fit and also I love working out at home. I can be silly and stupid when I feel like it (like doing my happy dance which I'd NEVER do in public), I can do any sort of routine I like at any time and I don't have to go through traffic to do so. I like it!

I've been consistently working out almost daily. I missed one day this week and didn't realise until I woke the next day so I must have really needed the rest!

Have a great day all!!!